Mais para Clara (Emails 2000)
Jackson Pollock, Lavender Mist, 1950
Now in Redmond, Oregon, near The Painted Hills. This coming week we move to Port Angeles, WA, where we will stay a while. Meantime I send more of the emails your mother sent back in November and December of 2000, fifteen years ago. These begin two weeks after you were abducted – furtively, without my consent – from Rome where you were attending the Montessori school near the Baths of Caracalla. When these are written I still did not know where you were, and as you can see in the emails, your Mother was willfully hiding this information. And yet she asked that I “remain calm.” I, who had raised you nearly single-handedly for three and a half years, and with whom you were accustomed to being with every day, was to “remain calm,” knowing that this sudden and paranoiac change for you and for myself, was just fine according to Teresa. . I knew far better. Reading the tone of your Mother’s emails shows an hysteric person, seemingly lost in her own mind and projecting its sense of “normalcy” onto the world, rationalizing her own behavior.
By this time I had already acquainted myself with the literature on Parental Alienation Syndrome, and Teresa’s behavior followed as if to a script. Of course she was more interested in her script, the one for Agua e Sal, and the unfinished scene in which, according to that script, you were to be filmed in the arms of your cinema mother, crying in the midst of a fight. Teresa wanted and needed that scene to finish her film, and it would be done whatever the cost to you.
I know these may be difficult for you to read, but again, you should and deserve to know the reality and truth of your own life. You will not be told of these things by Teresa or her family or friends.
I’ll send more in another week or two, once we’ve settled down in Port Angeles.
The Painted Hills, Oregon (Foto: Jost)
I had taken a good tripod and earphones to Cabanas, for Teresa to use in preparing her film. I asked that they be returned, but they never were sent back, despite her promises. Like many other things.
Three weeks after kidnapping you, your Mother counsels that I should be calm, though she will not let me know where you are, or let me talk on the telephone with you, saying that you had told her you did not want to talk with me. But of course, as she promised, “… no word has been said against you.” (Later on you will read of words you were taught to say.)
Rothko, Turrell, Rumold